What are your comments on this introduction and the conclusion of this paper?

Part 1: 

Introductory Paragraph: Imagine a family member is the supply chain manager of a multibillion-dollar corporation. Their boss has given them the task to find an innovative way to increase revenue for the organization. If successful, their reward will be the promotion of a lifetime. After doing some research, they share that they have found out that 30 percent of businesses annual gross revenue is tied up in payroll. If this was a real scenario that a family member found themselves in and were told that that they could see a "labor cost reduction as high as 30 percent" (Lee & Özer, 2007, p. 41) by investing a tiny fraction of the company's money into a new system, would other family members and friends persuade the individual to do it? Arguably, most people would say yes to receive that promotion. The technology that can produce these kinds of revenue returns to businesses around the globe who are looking for innovative budget saving practices within their supply chain can be achieved by using Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) technology. What is it about RFID technology that allows it to reduce costs associated to supply chain management practices? Are there major American corporations that value the use of RFID technology within their supply chain management industry? How can this technology be used to exploit other ways to save overhead revenue for the future business owner? In what ways has RFID technology not been explored for future uses? It is through these questions that we will begin to peel back the technology that is known as RFID in today's American and global business market.

Thesis Statement: The use of RFID technology within supply chains around the globe has helped reduce supply chain management costs incurred through American businesses across the global market while shaping the way for the future technological advances.

Conclusion: RFID technology has many cost saving benefits to companies around the globe. It is a key ingredient for businesses everywhere to save money on overhead costs. In some areas, it can show a "reduction as high as 30 percent" (Lee & Özer, 2007, p. 41) in overhead production costs. Major companies such as Amazon and Walmart use these systems to stay on top within their industry on a global scale. With the use of RFID technology, companies and innovators will take this technology to new levels in order to benefit individuals in all walks of life. By using RFID technology, the business world will constantly gain momentum forward with beneficial innovative technological advances to shape the future of the business world.