Style Message Particulars

Heather Nordstorm, a sales associate to corporate partners for All You Reward Systems, wants Janie Westerman, the company's owner, to approve changes that Heather wants to make to the vendor used to buy incentives included in the reward programs that All You sells to corporations.

Heather has been employed at All You for one year. Janie has a good relationship with her, but they are not what you would consider close. Janie has been in business for 20 years.

Here is Heather's attempt to communicate with Janie.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Re: A New Vendor Has Been Located

Hey, Janie. I know that you are really busy, but I need you to look over the attached information right away because I have found a really good new vendor that you need to approve!!

You are going to love what this company can do for us. I know that we will save time and money by switching to ProRewards because I've been doing this a long time.

So take a look at the information that I've attached and shoot me a reply about when we can meet to finalize getting this approved.

This company has a free shipping perk when you order $10,000 or more at one time. AND we always do that. And they offer like way more brand name items, so our big wig corporations are going to feel really important giving this stuff out to their deserving employees.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Heather

Please number your responses in your reply.

1. What are at least two key pieces of information that Heather might have included to make this message more acceptable to the audience? (Analyze the situation and consider the sender and receiver. Look at what she wants to do and what she has said about it.)

2. Rewrite the message so that it fits with the concepts of good business communication that you are learning about. Attend to the scenario at hand.