Purpose:
In any interpersonal conflict, you have a choice. You can look for solutions in which one person wins, usually you, and one person loses, usually the other person (win-lose solutions). Or you can look for solutions in which you and the other person both win (win-win solutions). Although, win-win solutions are obviously the more desirable, people often fail to even consider if there are possible win-win solutions and what these might be. This exercise will help you in developing conflict management skills and how to resolve interpersonal differences.
Directions: To get into the habit of looking for win-win solutions, consider the following conflict situations. For each situation, generate as many possible win-win solutions that you feel the individuals involved in the conflict could reasonably accept. Give yourself a few minutes for each case. Write down all win-win solutions that you think of; don't censor yourself. Please make sure to provide a response to the question at the end of the exercise.
1. Pat and Mark plan to take a two week vacation in August. Pat wants to go to the shore and relax by the water. Mark wants to go the mountains, hiking and camping.
2. Pat recently got a $3000 totally unexpected bonus. Pat wants to buy a new computer and printer to augment the office; Mark wants to take a much needed vacation.
3. Pat leaves clothes all around the house and they sometimes sit there for days. Mark really hates this and they argue about it almost daily.
4. Philip has recently come out as gay to his parents. He wants them to accept him and his lifestyle (which includes a committed relationship with another man). His parents refuse to accept him and want him to seek religious counseling to change.
5. Workers at the local bottling plant want a 20% raise to bring them into line with the salaries of similar workers at other plants. Management has repeatedly turned down their requests.
From this experience it should be clear that win-win solutions exist for most conflict situations but not necessarily all. And, of course, some situations will allow for the easy generation of a lot more win-win solutions than others. Not all conflicts are equal.
How might you incorporate win-win strategies into your own conflict management behavior?