Can you give me feedback on this essay I wrote for a scholarship?
The prompt was to describe how cyberbullying has affected you.
Social media. Instant messaging. Profiles, pages, people connected through the Internet.
The advantages of having social networking sites where everyone can connect instantly are wonderful. But with all great things come people who abuse the system. We have all heard of cyberbullying, seen a video of it, maybe even know someone whose been personally victimized or have even been a victim yourself. For myself, it was my younger sister who experienced first hand the pain of online bullying.
My sister Mary was in eighth and friends with a girl that we were all a little suspicious of. She tended to be overbearing, pushy, too big for her britches. But my parents couldn't stop them from being friends. They were at the age where everyone was really into Instagram, snapchat, Facebook, etc. Without anyone knowing, her friend made a fake profile and started harassing my sister, urging her to give her information, trash talk others, and say things she didn't want to say. My sister was confused and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do about this.
When she talked to her "friend" about what was happening, she pushed Mary to keep in contact with the online person. This person called Mary names and threatened her. The harassment continued until everything became too much. My sister was on painkillers at the time because of a recent leg surgery and decided that she'd rather take a handful of pills than have to deal with the cyberbullying any longer.
I was in my room when my other sister came in crying, saying there was something wrong with Mary. I'll never forget my heart dropping to my stomach when I rushed in and saw her lying on her bed groggy and unresponsive. After screaming and shaking her to get her to tell me what was wrong, she finally let out "I took pills". At that moment I ran down to get my parents and they took care of her as I comforted my two other younger sister. Luckily, we got the pills out of her system and she was alright. Later on, she told us the whole story and we realized just how hard of a time she had been having and how serious cyberbullying can be.
I have written many essays and speeches about how cyberbullying can be subtle and seemingly harmless and then work its way into a massive, overwhelming issue without you even knowing. People can hide behind their screens and say things without any repercussions. It's so much bigger of an issue than people realize, but I truly hope that hearing stories like this can save someone else from this struggle.