Title: The impact of obesity on gym market

What kind of business activities?

What charities and enterprises are you talking about? You need to introduce this section more clearly as the topic is not obvious to the reader.

You also need to combine this section with the next one (see comments below).

Is this your only source for cause-related marketing?

How is this an example of "Business and extensive community is inseparable"?

The grammar makes this a little difficult to understand, but more importantly it is not clear from this text what exactly you are talking about or how it helps the reader to understand how cause-related marketing is linked to obesity and the gym market.

Neither of these examples is relevant to your project so you only need to describe these in one short paragraph.

The purpose of this is to make it clear what cause related marketing is. So you should combine this section with section two and make this much shorter.

Are you sure about this?

The problem here is that you assume that children can visit gyms. Although healthy eating and exercise are important for children, is it necessary for them to go to a gym?

For example, what does the gym market in the UK look like? i.e. what is the average age of people who have gym memberships?

Also, when you talk about children, what age of children will you focus on?

How? You need to explain this more clearly by supporting your idea with evidence.

Attachment:- 37_0.rar