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Senator Yah Youbetcha, a Unites States senator from North Dakota, recently read several scholarly, peer-reviewed research studies indicating a correlation between watching cat videos online and the release of high levels of dopamine in the brain consistent with dopamine secretions in the brains of cocaine and methamphetamine users. Of course, an addict’s brain gains tolerance for dopamine, which requires perpetually increased levels of dopamine, eventually causing damaged or otherwise impaired brain function. Even though the study reflects a strong correlation between cat video consumption and dopamine levels, the data do not prove that the videos cause this effect because the studies did not consider the possible influence of the study participants’ other behavioral or environmental factors. Regardless, Senator Youbetcha relies on the data to introduce potential legislation prohibiting the uploading and consumption of online cat videos. Ultimately, Congress passes the Feline Internet Control Act (FICA), which prohibits the uploading and consumption of online cat videos. The FICA enabling legislation included the creation the Feline Internet Control Commission, a sub-agency of the FCC exclusively devoted to administering the FICA. The FICC creates a rule allowing it to monitor internet user behavior by receiving monthly reports from internet access providers documenting user website traffic. Mr. Dontchaknow is a Wisconsin resident and has a YouTube channel devoted to cat videos, which he uses for uploading such videos. He files a claim in federal court requesting the court to declare that: (1) the federal government does not have jurisdiction over internet-based activities of citizens (which would invalidate the FICA); and (2) even if the federal government has jurisdiction over internet-based activities, the FICA is unconstitutional; and (3) EVEN if there is federal jurisdiction and the FICA is constitutional, the FICC regulation is unconstitutional. You are the federal court judge that needs to decide the case. Prepare a decision/opinion ruling on each of Mr. Dontchaknow’s three issues.

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