Seek First to Understand Then be Understood - Write a one-page example of how you can apply this in a work setting. Sharing examples about your experience using this or wanting to develop this habit, would add to the discussion.

Seek First to Understand Then be Understood

Communication is one of the most important skills in life. When we think about how much time we put in to learning how to read, write and speak; we have spent years learning these skills. But how much time have spent learning how to listen?

"If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me - your spouse, your child, your neighbor, your boss, your coworker, your friend - you first need to understand me." The key to influence is not following a process but listening and speaking with integrity and being genuine. In other words, not being manipulative but acting and communicating with character.

Empathic Listening

""Seek first to understand" involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically see first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply... Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person's frame of reference." This listening involves your ears, your eyes reading body language and your heart listening for feeling and meaning. " You listen for behavior, you use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel."

"Empathic listening is also risky. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to be influenced. You become vulnerable. It's a paradox, in a sense, because in order to have influence, you have to be influenced. That means you have to really

Understand."

Just as doctors "diagnose before they prescribe." Another example of this habit is how effective sales people first seek to understand the needs, wants, concerns, desires and the situation of their clients before they will suggest solutions.

"When we really, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead they become stepping stones to synergy."