Scenario : Railway Company Memo

As a communications specialist for a small railway, you review, edit, and revise messages written by fellow employees in various departments. You have observed colleagues making common writing mistakes:

· placing insufficient emphasis on reader benefits by not cultivating the "you" view

· using the passive voice

· using misplaced and dangling participles

· using language bias by promoting gender, race, age, and disability stereotypes

· writing negative and discourteous expressions

· using unfamiliar and imprecise wording

· relying on language that makes your company vulnerable to litigation

Your manager asks you to review the following memo:

Date: Feb. 17, 2010

To: All Operating Personnel

From: Management

Subject: Poor Working Practices

It has recently come to management's attention that many employees are irresponsibly using shortcut procedures that are, I believe, going to result in damage and expense to the company, and perhaps even personal injury.

A new list of mandatory rules and procedures has been posted outside the main doors in Shop A. All personnel are required to adhere exactly to these rules and procedures. This will guarantee safety of both equipment and personnel.

Failure to acquiesce will be deemed cause for immediate termination!

THE MANAGEMENT

Questions/Tasks

10. What problems should you address in order to make the language of the above memo clearer? Select these from the Checklist for Adapting a Message to Its Audience on page 104 of the textbook. Be specific and support your answers.

11. Rewrite your manager's memo. Think about how expressing yourself positively, courteously, simply, precisely, vigorously, and in a conversational tone will affect your readers' responses. Refer to pages 101 to 104 in your textbook.