Questions

1. Is this message written using the director order, or the indirect order?

2. Do you agree or disagree with the choice of order? Explain why or why not.

3. Even before you get very far into this message, can you find one thing that is particularly bad about this email, which you could easily fix?

4. Rewrite the email to make it a more effective piece of professional communication

From: Morrison, Tim

Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 10:40 AM

To: Occupants of 14th floor

Cc: Detweiler, Sue

Subject: Network upgrade Change Order 15148

Hi Neighbors.

I wanted to check in with you to see if anyone on your team is staying late on Monday, April 13. Read on...

We are making improvements to the 14th floor network that will 1) double its network capacity to our 5th floor datacenter, 2) establish quality-of-service to prioritize critical traffic, and 3) prep that infrastructure for IP telephones. It's an exciting time.

You and your employees will benefit greatly from this improvement project. We will provide information sometime soon discussing the improvements.

Unfortunately, this upgrade requires an outage. It will take us about one (1) hour to make the change. We have already implemented this on floors 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, 13 and 15 so we are confident all will go smoothly. Throughout 2009, we will be incorporating this design on all floors in the building . . .

I'd like to schedule the outage for after business hours (5:30pm - 6:30pm) on Monday, 4/13. If this time is inconvenient for your department, we will make an alternate arrangement.

Bottom line; can we drop the network on the 14th floor at 5:30pm on Monday, 4/13? Is there an alternate date that works better? I'll put a notice out on KeyWeb once we select a good time.

Thanks for your help,

Tim
x6480