Question: There can be roadblocks when building trust and rapport with clients. However, providing empathetic responses, can help build the trust and rapport needed. When a good relationship is built, clients often feel they have a safe, accepting environment where they are free to express themselves openly.
To Prepare: Complete Reflective Listening Exercises I, II, III, IV, V, and VI in the Summers textbook-focusing ONLY on identifying and reflecting the FEELINGS aspect of the exercises (Note: Each exercise also has another set of instructions to go back and respond to content rather than feeling, but you do not need to do this part of the exercises-just focus on reflecting and responding to the feelings).
When you submit your assignment, please include the original statement from the "client," the FEELING that you identify and the EMPATHIC RESPONSE that you would give (lay it out just like it is in the book).
Reflective Listening I
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "When I was in court, the defense attorney really pounded me. You know, like he thought I was lying or didn't believe me or thought I was exaggerating."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "Those dirty, lousy creeps! Everything was fine in my life, and they really, really ruined everything! I don't care if I go on or not. Why live if someone can just take everything away from you in one night?"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "I know you said this is temporary housing and all, but I never had a place like this place. I can't stand to think I have to move again sometime, and God knows where I'll go."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "This whole setup is the pits. He gets to stay in the house after beating me half to death, and I have to go to this cramped little room.
Does that make sense?"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
Instructions Part II: Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.
Reflective Listening II
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "Sometimes it kind of makes me sick to think of all the stuff I did when I was drinking. I'd like to go and take it all back, but how do you ever do that?"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "I just can't go out in the car. All I hear is the screech of tires and the awful thud and scrape of metal. I thought I was dying. I can see it all before me as if it was yesterday."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "We have a neighborhood problem here! Yes we do! A real big idiot lives in that house. A real nut! He trimmed my own yard with a string trimmer and threw stones all over my car. Ruined the paint!"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "I never meant to get pregnant. I know everyone says that, but I didn't! I can't think straight. What about my job and school and all my plans? I feel sick. I feel all the time like I'm going to faint."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
Instructions Part II: Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.
Reflective Listening III
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "I can tell you now, I just can't go back there. I just feel as if my husband will kill me one of these times."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "I can't stand those people! They made fun of that retarded kid night and day. I hope they get theirs!"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "I've been clean for 8 months! If you had told me this would happen a year ago, I'd have laughed in your face."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "When I was a little kid, my mom and dad got along okay, but now they fight all the time, and my mother says my dad is on drugs and has a girlfriend. Home is like hell."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
Instructions Part II: Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.
Reflective Listening IV
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "When I took that test, it was really hard. And I guess I was nervous. I mean, I couldn't think of any of the answers."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "Those guys are lousy! They're always snickering and making fun of other people, especially people who have a disability. They make me sick!"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "I know Jim said we could be buddies at swim practice, but I'm probably not as good a swimmer as he is. I feel sort of silly trying to swim with him. Maybe he would like to have a better buddy."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "This whole setup sucks. This other guy gets the tutor, and the teacher tells me to go home and see if my mother can tutor me. She never had this math. Math isn't even her thing. Does that make sense?"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
Instructions Part II: Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.
Reflective Listening V
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "Well, every time I go off my meds, I get kind of crazy. My minister is really putting the pressure on me to quit and let God take over my illness."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "The people at the halfway house are so nice to me, compared to the way things were with my family."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "You have some nerve, having the therapist see my son every week for 6 months, and then you refuse to tell me more than ‘he's doing better.' How do I know he's doing better?"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "I've been on the streets since 1972, and I never slept inside a night until now. I don't know, I just can't seem to stay out like I used to without getting this cough."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
Instructions Part II: Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.
Reflective Listening VI
Instructions: People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.
Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response-a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading "Useful Responses."
1. "I can't believe I was that intoxicated! I just don't believe it. Their gizmo must have been broken or something. I just didn't drink that much and I wouldn't be driving if I had!"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
2. "You don't expect us to take Alfred into our home, do you? He is very mentally ill-tore up the house several times. I really-well, I know he's my son, but I just can't deal with the way he's been in the past."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
3. "I can tell you what scares me most. It's being by myself at the house one night and having him come back. I don't know if I can go on living there."
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE:
4. "I just can't go to class. Not after making a fool of myself the last time. I got every answer wrong when the teacher called on me, and people were making fun. . . . It was terrible!"
FEELING:
EMPATHIC RESPONSE: