I need help on correcting my paragraphs. i need to know on how to improve it. i need help to identify a want and weakness to the character(Shadow). i need an example. im not good at writing stories. or if the events in my story is cohesive. and if it is well put together.and to describe on what happen to theml.

A heart worthy warrior, Shadow is walking down the hall when he sees a crow crowing at the caged tiger that they have in the dungeon. Suka the polar monkey crows at the crow and the crow responds back aggressively. The noises stop right after his friend Magnus chases the crow away. Magnus sets down a cup of carrot juice for Shadow. Magnus says to Shadow, "My father once told me that when a crow crows at you, it is trying to give you a message." After Shadow sips the drink quipped, "Did he say anything to you about a polar monkey crowing?" When the phone rings, Magnus runs to answer it.

Shadow was informed by the corporal general that his brother Peter who he hasn't seen in years is in town. The general told Shadow that he saw his brother teaching this lady how to say all aboard on a ship. Peter introduce the lady as his fiancée. He was so surprised after hearing this and responds to the general, "If it comes to my memory that my brother never told me he met a girl or got himself a fiancée." Shadow hangs up the phone and goes to Magnus to share the news with him. Magnus says, "Didn't I tell you that when a crow is crowing that it will bring you an omen. Hopefully it will be a good one." Shadow says to Magnus, "You did say that but you didn't tell me that it will be him bringing a fiancée home."