How Do You Fit When You Don't Fit

I. Introduction
Our social identity is what we portray to the people around us and how we are judged by our interactions with others daily. It is also, the social groups we associate with and the personal information that connects us to who we are. During my childhood days in elementary school I was always put in group three in my classes. Group one consisted of students that made all A's and group two was students that made B's and group three was students that made C and below. I struggled with fitting in with friends, however, I seemed to be in with the in-crowd. But to me I did not feel like I fit because I felt as though I was not smart enough. This labeling of groups had a profound effect on my self-esteem through the years until I join the United States Navy. A new life, new meaning, and a new culture. From boot camp until the day I retired I was part of the inner circle advance through the ranks with all the accolades which seemingly I fit but did not feel as though I fit. A point to be made is that the beautiful downtown Jacksonville and its glamour does not fit with one block away poverty and homelessness. How do you explain or separate the two? It's part of the culture of Jacksonville.

II. The view ofdowntown Jacksonville via I-95 appears picture perfect, enough for one to say "I would not mine living in Jacksonville, Florida. The down area is skyline with most major home offices for corporate America, Retail, Hospitals, Banks, and Financial clearinghouses. Just east of downtown is Jacksonville's multi-million-dollar sports complex, home to the NFL Jaguars,and Jacksonville's Historical district (Springfield) housed with19th and early 20th century architecture. North of downtown is Metro (Urban) Jacksonville viewed online as somewhat picturesque.

III. I chose downtown because the skyline of Jacksonville gives the appearance of an exciting city and it is one of the major cities in Florida, second largest to Miami. I have lived in Jacksonville for 15 years and have never really visited the downtown area other than passing through on my way out of town. My first reaction was that we have a beautiful downtown area with a variety of entertainment, night life, and filled with a diverse of people. However, I missed a turn and found myself in an area of homelessness, and poverty-stricken neighborhoods. A positive reaction was one of reflection of where I grew up as a child in a similar neighborhood and what I reflect on as the good old days. The good old days as I look back in retrospect is always having food to eat, good clothing and a place to stay. Later to learn that my parents had to work two jobs to live above the poverty level. But to me as a child my family was an average family that lived a lot better than other families. My negative reaction was that my first reaction to seeing the neighborhoods was that I could not relate or questioned "how do people live like this." I now live with social identities which operate independently. One of my identities is post ghetto and the other is non-conformed African American. One of the sub-cultures in that area is (ghetto) African American which I do not identify myself with as an African American. As the Urban dictionary definition for ghetto is an impoverished, neglected, or otherwise disadvantaged residential area of a city, usually troubled by a disproportionately large amount of crimeand urban relating to inner city life. I left my home town as soon as I graduated from high school and join the United States Navy. I was now part of an elite group with standards and a discipline way of living. The Navy core values have been engrained in heart to honor by conducting myself in the highest ethical manner, not to compromise my integrity; courage by being loyal and maintain the mental strength to do what is right; and commitment by being respectful without regards to who the person maybe or the color of their skin. The Navy's culture is a way of life for me to this day and even though I have retired to a civilian way of living, the core values and the discipline is how I live my life.
IV.

As I reflect on urban life I cannot relate on a social level and I feel out of place in that type of environment. It's sad to say, but I do not fit from a personal standpoint and I am pointed out as being one that does not live in the area. Even when I go back to my home town, I am known for being different from siblings and the people in the city. I am not saying that I think I am better or superior to anyone, I just do not fit. I have never had anyone to tell me that I think that I am better than they are. On the contrary, they view me as a nice person and I do not treat them differently, we do not hangout in the same social circle. I just feel I do not fit.

V.Jacksonville and its glamour does not fit while within one block of its beauty, poverty and homelessness is very vivid. My negative reaction emerged from my first reaction to seeing the neighborhoods and thinking that I could not relate mentally and then questioned "how do people live like this." I now see my social identities which operate independently. One of my identities is post ghetto and the other is non-conformed African American. How do you fit, when don't fit? In contrast, I always find myself in the inner-circle of a whatever culture part of my social identity. One could relate on one social identity but not in the mental capacity of an African American with a ghetto mentality.