1. Identify the order/organizational pattern (direct or indirect). Provide evidence. Is this organizational pattern appropriate for this message?
2. Does the opening provide a buffer to the negative news? Is it brief, relevant to the topic, neutral (neither ‘yes’ nor ‘no’), supportive, and interesting, and does it provide a smooth transition into the ‘explanation’? Use specific evidence from the message.
3. Is the explanation clear, logical, and convincing, and in positive or neutral language? If it is vague, weak, or negative, indicate where, and provide a solution.
4. Is the actual refusal clear, but stated in positive language? If it is unclear or negative, indicate why, and provide a solution.
5. Is the closing appropriate and friendly, maintaining or (re)building goodwill? If not, what is its weakness (i.e., does it restate the bad news?)? Provide a solution.
6. Based on your answers above, explain where and how the message fails to accomplish the purpose of giving bad news while retaining the reader's goodwill. In your explanation, consider the appropriateness of the organizational plan (mention things like the buffer, the friendly closing, etc.); consider the language and tone (i.e., negative words, “you” attitude); and even though it is a draft, consider the basic format (addresses, salutation, complimentary close, spacing). Be specific and thorough.
7. Overall, if you were the intended reader of this message, suggest to the writer improvements (in content and format) that would ease your acceptance of the bad news
Dear Ms. Ramirez:
We are pleased to hear about the wonderful work of the to the National Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) Association and its volunteers. I appreciate all our talks describing the programs to recruit, train, and support volunteers in their work with abused children.
We commend the work CASA is doing to help neglected children find safe, permanent homes. Because of budget constraints, we have been forced to reduce our charitable giving this year. While we continue to support the mission of CASA, unfortunately, we are not able to make a contribution at this time.
Hopefully, in the future, we can resume our partnership. I look forward to hearing more about CASA and your accomplishments.